Thursday, February 17, 2011

I'll be thinking about you

So this morning the hubby and I woke up ultra-early, quickly made some Valentines, (I've been trying to get these done since about Saturday, but we haven't had time. This morning I finished one up to put in a package, from which my Honey will open one envelope at a time each month during his deployment) packed up his parents' suv, and headed out to the hangar on post where we would say our good-byes.

We sat in that huge, open space with tons of other soldiers and family members for about an hour and a half trying to keep our spirits up for our last moments together before he left and mostly, I have to say, it was awkward. Of course, I could have just bawled thinking about how long it will be until I can hold him again; I probably won't even hear from him again until he gets all the way to his FOB (forward operating base) and set up there, probably about ten days. But that wouldn't help anyone. Not his parents there with us, certainly not Josh, and not even me. I couldn't talk at all for the last two minutes before his formation, and I definitely cried some, but I tried to send him off with as many smiles as I could muster. I also could have spent the whole time just making empty conversation and jokes, but I also wanted some important hugs and pictures and kisses before he left. The hardest for me to see were the families with kids at an age where they won't understand why a parent has to leave. Why he or she won't be around for so long - I couldn't even look at those poor kiddos.

After the soldiers formation-ed-up and boarded the buses and drove away, the in-laws and I went out for breakfast (G's Pancake House bills itself perhaps a little optimistically as "a reason to wake up" but we did enjoy our pancakes and pigs in blankets) and then they took me home. This morning has been so emotionally draining that I feel like I've been through a few days since last night, but now I feel like I have all the time in the world and am just trying to think what to do to with it all. (I do have an exciting project to begin, though - two cushions for a loveseat and another seat in my Bonus Room. I'll show the fabric soon.) It's extremely odd to be alone here, mostly because it definitely hasn't sunk in yet. I keep thinking I hear Josh wandering around in the other room - maybe in the office or garage - but have to realize over and again that he's not here. I also keep thinking I need to ask him to pick up his shoes from the middle of our bedroom, or what he wants to do about silly mail that comes for him, or whatever. "I'll ask him when he gets home" I almost think, obviously imagining this afternoon, not 2012. He won't be home today. Or soon . . . this is SO WEIRD so far.

I really didn't mean for this blog to be about my military-wife-dom, I just can't really seem to write anything else until I get to what is really on my mind. If you aren't related to someone in the military, and/or have no idea what it's like, please don't be alienated. (You're just like I was about 3 years ago!) Don't feel like you have to say something deep and meaningful (of course, you can! That's appreciated, too!) or nothing at all. I mean, if you're a praying person, I sure would appreciate some prayers for the safety of my husband and his company, and for all their families throughout this year. But really, I just need diversion more than anything. So normal comments ("That outfit looks great!" or "You seem to have that on backward") would be great to get. Okay? Okay.

Anyway, it should be back to somewhat-newsy and mostly-outfit posts soon. I don't know if I'll get around to writing one before tomorrow, but I certainly may! The good news is that I got a half-day job to work this afternoon, so I'll be occupied for at least that much time today. Yay!
Take care, all. Hope to hear from you.

P.S. I'm really going to try to remember to post pictures of the crafty things I did at the last minute before Josh left for him.


  1. You sound like you handled your good-bye perfectly (as if goodbyes like this could ever be perfect... there's no such thing). My husband has deployed several times but I've never been able to be there for it. I'm always sad at the time, but in hindsight maybe it's easier that way? Remind me that I said this if/when he goes again... Good luck settling into your house by yourself. I have trouble making decisions by myself when I'm so used to having someone else around. It's not as much fun and it definitely takes some getting used to. Your husband, his unit, and you will all be in my thoughts. Good luck!

  2. It's so hard to keep it together for goodbyes. I'm terrible at them. A real blubbery mess.

    Thinking of you.

  3. I can't imagine what this is like, but I really feel for you! I'll be sure to keep checking in on you to make sure your making the most out of your days.